Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
