Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
