You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
