What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
