You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
