Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
