I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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