Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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