I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
