You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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