I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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