Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
