I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
