Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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