there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
