I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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