I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
