if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
