Walk of Shame. In a state park.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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