I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
