If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
