i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
