she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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