i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
