I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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