I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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