I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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