The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
