I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
