It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize