Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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