I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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