I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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