i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
