OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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