Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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