Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
