Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
