Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
