maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
