Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
