So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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