I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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