Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize