I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and she was petting her beer can
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
