i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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