I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I died a long time ago.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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