Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize