Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's official drugs can't kill me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
