i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
