Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
