now i know why i became what i already was.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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