Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
