She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
