I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
