How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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