i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
