at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
