the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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