yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize