theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
