Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize