Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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