he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
