shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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