HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
