Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
