I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
