after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
