she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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