you turned your livingroom into a bong?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
