Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
